Setting healthy boundaries

"This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!" Job 38:11. Just as God made boundaries for the natural world, He also made boundaries for our own personal space. These boundaries help you distinguish between your responsibilities and someone else's. Though we are to help bear other's burdens, each of us have to carry our own load (Galatians 6:2, 5). Each of us have certain responsibilities that nobody else can do for us. You are responsible for your own feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, limits, resources, talents, thoughts, and desires.

We're called to be "one" (John 17:11),  but like in any community, we need gates that let in the good and leave out the bad (Psalm 34:14, Romans 12:9). Poor boundaries lead to unhealthy relationships in which bad things going on are ignored and support from the outside is "walled off". No matter how much you talk to yourself, read, study, or practice, you can’t develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others. We need to be “rooted and established in love” (Eph. 3:17) and “rooted and built up in [Christ]” (Col. 2:7).

When we are not secure that we are loved, we are forced to choose between two bad options: 1. We set limits and risk losing a relationship... 2. We don’t set limits and remain a prisoner to the wishes of another. If someone you know is falling into the latter ditch, be the good friend who lets him or her know that this isn't healthy. Some people have been raised in dysfunctional families, or families where God’s ways of boundaries are not practiced, and have experiences similar to that of the alien. They find themselves transported into adult life where spiritual principles that have never been explained to them govern their relationships and well-being.

A common boundary problem is disowning our choices and trying to lay the responsibility for them on someone else... Making decisions based on others’ approval or on guilt breeds resentment, a product of our sinful nature. We have been so trained by others on what we “should” do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.

Our hearts are deceptive, that's why we need to go to Jesus for ourselves and ask for the Holy Spirit to convict us of what's wrong (Jeremiah 17:9, John 7:37-39, John 16:7-8).  We need to know what we should say no to and mean it (Matthew 5:37). "God is light and in Him is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5). If we have allowed evil to enter into our hearts, we need to give them up to God in prayer (1 John 1:9). Admitting when we're wrong and praying for one another brings healing to the soul (James 5:16). We need to let Jesus into our hearts (Revelation 3:20). As we abide in Christ, we can enjoy the fruit of "self-control" (John 15:5, Galatians 5:22-23).

God set a boundary for our first parents and our world is cursed by sin because this boundary was crossed  (Genesis 2:16-17, Genesis 3:17). God wasn't being restrictive when He said to them that they could eat of "every tree" except for one. The devil was the one who tried to insinuate that God was being unfair (notice how Eve began to focus that one tree and completely forget about all the other ones). The devil is a liar, God's word says ""For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold From those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11.

Sin is destructive and leads to death, so when God tells us to repent and let go of sin, it's because He loves us and doesn't want us to perish (Ezekiel 18:4, 2 Peter 3:9).  If we love God, we will love the boundaries He has set for us, for they will be written in our hearts (John 14:15, Psalm 40:8).

The following passage tells us to recognize our limitations as mortals. "Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am. Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Selah. Surely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely they busy themselves in vain; He heaps up riches, and does not know who will gather them." Psalm 39:4-6

We should to know our boundaries as mere mortals and understand our dependence on God. Nobody else can be God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit for you. You can't be God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit for somebody else. To place man where God should be is idolatrous and it's at the root of all unhealthy relationships.

How to get ready for the second coming

The following comes from a sermon...

Opening Prayer:Dear God, we just want to say thank you so much for your love and mercy to us, for giving Jesus who came all the way from heaven and spent years of life on Earth in an inconvenient and difficult position, then to die to pay the price for all our sin. We just want to thank you for His sacrifice, for His support from heaven, for the gift of the Holy Spirit who you said will guide us in all truth. But we know you don’t force yourselves on us and so we want you to know that you’re welcome here and we’re asking for your guidance. Speak to our hearts as we study from your word and give us strength in our hearts, give us love for you that will enable us to love the people around us and to prepare for your return. Thank you so much for your compassion. Amen.

God shows us in His Word how to get ready
God has told us in His word how to prepare for Christ's second coming. We will look at passages of scripture which will show us how to prepare. As we look over these passages of scripture, we need to ask ourselves "Am I getting ready for the second coming of Jesus? Am I following the instructions that God has given in His Word?"

Don't Trust Material Things, Trust in God!
People have come up with many interesting ideas on how to get ready for Jesus to come. Many suggest  moving to the country in order to avoid the temptations of the world. While there's validity to that, getting ready is more of a faith issue. There are many who even go to the extreme of stockpiling food, but it says in Isaiah 33:16 that bread will be given to us and our water will be sure. Now there is wisdom in having enough food before a big storm comes, but we don't need to worry about that in order to prepare for the second coming.

Some think they have to obtain gold or silver because they won't be able to buy or sell in the last days. This might actually be a bad financial investment (James 5:3) and the bible tells us we shouldn't place our trust in riches (Job 31:24-28, Proverbs 11:28, 1 Timothy 6:17). Some place their trust other material things, such as solar panels. The problem is, if you're putting your trust in things that are going to be destroyed anyway, you're going to be greatly disappointed when Jesus comes. We need to place our trust in God!

The bible provides spiritual preparation
With that in mind, we need to think about spiritual preparation. Jesus is coming, He's a spiritual person and if you want to connect with Him on a good basis when He comes, you have to cultivate spirituality. Throughout the bible we read about how to prepare spiritually for Jesus' second coming. There are 42 uses for the word "ready" in the English bible and 1 in 5 are talking about getting ready for the second coming. Of all the things to get ready for, every 5th one is the second coming.

Cultivating God's love in our families
There are various places in the bible which let us know if we're ready for the second coming. For example, Malachi 4:5-6 says God (through the message of Elijah) would "turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers" before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. Here we see the importance of cultivating God's love in our families and this is part of our getting ready for the second coming of Jesus. The way you are at home is a better indicator of who you really are. If we want to cooperate with what God's spirit wants to do, then we need to look for opportunities to rebuild those bonds that may have become strained. We have to look for ways to cultivate the love of Christ in our families.

Righteousness by Faith
Revelation 19:6-9 describes the second coming of Jesus as a wedding and refers to God's people as a wife who has made herself ready for Him. She is "granted to be arrayed in fine linen, clean and bright, for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints." To have this righteousness, we need to be right with God and we can only have it by faith in Jesus (Romans 3:22, Romans 5:1, Galatians 5:5). You need to be right with God and be at peace with God now to be at peace when Jesus comes back. Anyone who knows if they've been doing things shouldn't could tell you if they have peace with God. It's that simple.

Ask For God's Spirit
In Matthew 25, Jesus uses parables to describe how to prepare for His second coming. Here we will only cover one of them. Jesus said His second coming is like ten virgins who are waiting for the bridegroom to come. Although they had all fallen asleep, only half of them had enough oil for their lamps. The lesson from that is that in order to be ready for Jesus to come, you need to have oil, which is a symbol of the Holy Spirit. If you ask God for the Holy Spirit, will He give it to you? Yes! Jesus said "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!" Luke 11:13. God will give us the Holy Spirit if we ask.

Watch and Pray
In Mark 13:32-37, Jesus speaks of His second coming saying that we should watch and pray, lest He come and find us sleeping, spiritually speaking. Though we saw all the virgins sleep in Jesus' parable, we shouldn't be found sleeping. 1 Peter 4:7 says, "But the end of all things is at hand; therefore be serious and watchful in your prayers." 1 Peter 5:8 says, "Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." These verses say be ready, watchful, sober, and vigilant.

Now it's important to approach this topic in the right way and the right attitude, or else we're going to find ourselves frustrated and discouraged, which is exactly what Satan would want. God doesn't want that and He has given us guidance so that doesn't happen.

Sanctification by Faith
Notice the mission that Jesus gave Paul: "to open [people's] eyes, in order to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and an inheritance among those who are sanctified by faith in Me [Jesus]" (Acts 26:18). Notice here that sanctification, or our growth in Christ and reflecting His character, is by faith. Naturally we seem to think we have to work really hard to be sanctified, but that's wrong because we're sanctified by faith.
We experience growth in character, become more like Christ, and prepare for the second coming by trusting God, in the same way you've first accepted Jesus by faith. Paul tells us in Colossians 2:6, "As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him". In other words, the same way that Jesus came into your life is the way He's going to stay in your life, it's by trusting Him. It's by believing that God can be trusted. That's how you experience a change in character and that's how you'll be ready for Jesus to come (notice in 1 Thessalonians 5:23, God does the work of sanctifying us).

The Gift of Repentance
Also notice in Acts 26:20, there is a call to repent, which means to have a change of heart and mind. Repentance is a gift of God (Acts 5:31). God is the one who puts it our hearts to say "I've hurt other people, I've hurt God, and I don't want to live this way anymore". Repentance isn't about being sorry for getting caught. True repentance is when we recognize we did wrong and we don't want to do it anymore (notice King David's repentance in Psalm 51).

This is the first step for getting ready for the second coming. True repentance is when you're sorry in your heart that you did wrong, you know you can't change yourself, but you say, "I really don't want to do this anymore, God help me". When you've reached that point, then you're ready to put away what ever it is that you did wrong with God's help. Then you're putting yourself in a place where you're ready to grow in character because you've repented. Then you will "do works befitting repentance" Acts 26:20.

If you've lost your temper with a spouse, brother, or sister, repentance means you won't want to do it again, because you have a relationship with God and He helps you. Will you fall again perhaps? Possibly, yes, but the Lord helps you over time through a relationship with Him so that you don't. It's because you love God, you want to do His will and you want to be ready when Jesus comes. Love is a transforming power and people say that they love God, but they don't grasp that when you have a committed relationship, that it changes you. We'll look more into that later. You are sanctified by faith, it leads you to repent and do works befitting for repentance.

Be kept by God's power through faith
In 1 Peter 1:3-5, we see that God, in His abundant mercy, has begotten us a living hope through Christ's resurrection, an inheritance reserved for us in heaven. We are "kept by the power of God through faith" for Christ's second coming. We aren't to live trying to save ourselves, that's not how salvation works (Mark 8:35). God didn't purpose that we should live for ourselves, but rather for Him and for others (2 Corinthians 5:15, 1 Corinthians 10:24). When we live for ourselves, we are not answering the purpose that God made us for. Righteousness is a gift of God, we can't make ourselves good (Romans 5:17). We are to trust in God, not in self. We are "kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." This "last time" is talking about the last days before Jesus comes.

Trials Strengthen Faith
Notice what it says in 1 Peter 1:6-9: "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love. Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith—the salvation of your souls."

Examining your spiritual life
In order to prepare for Jesus to come, we need to be right with God through faith, repentance leads us to put away sins, and to trust God who will enable us to do right. We are to trust God, put away every known sin, trust Him that He will give us a new heart and right spirit, and cultivate that relationship. Examine yourselves, check if there's something that's not right, take some initiative (2 Corinthians 13:5).

Now don't beat yourself up, God doesn't want that. Don't take this the wrong way. To examine yourself simply means to be honest to God about your condition (much like a patient would with a physician) and then He can and will help you. Just as it is wise for us to examine our physical health, we should examine our spiritual life.

Trust in God's willingness and power to save you
Let's look at Jude 1:24

Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to present you faultless before the presence of His glory with exceeding joy

You see, the Lord wants you to be saved. Is He going to present you with exceeding frustration? No! It's with exceeding joy! God really wants to save us and He is able to do it, do you believe what His word says?

There's a scam that says the devil is stronger than God. It says God forgives you, but you won't change that much. It says you just have to sin less and that God doesn't really expect you to put away all known sin. The reason we hear these things taught is not always because someone wants to be wicked, nor are they thinking "let me see what lies I can brew up for you." It comes from a genuine sense of frustration.

The Power of God's Love
We see ourselves and we see that we can't, of our own strength, do what's right. We try not to lose our temper, we try not to curse, we try not to do impure actions or think impure thoughts, we try not to waste our money, then we fail. We don't have to do that if we have a relationship with Jesus. Love is a powerful force. It often happens that if someone really loves someone else, they will learn to love what they do and do as they do in order to develop a closer relationship with that person.
Now there is a danger of falling out of love with God and yet still continue going through the motions. It's possible for people to look like Christians without the relationship, "having the form of godliness, but denying the power thereof". Then once the slightest temptation comes, they fall over like a tree rotting on the inside. This is why we need to examine ourselves to make sure our hearts are right with God. We need to be careful not to let that happen, that's how church leaders fall. "Today, if you will hear His voice: Do not harden your hearts" Psalm 95:7-8. God has better plans for us that we have for ourselves. God wants us to be saved, but He can't force it on us.

Our Responsibility
"In simplicity and truth we would speak to the impenitent in regard to the way in which men destroy their own souls. You are not to say that God is to blame, that he has made a decree against you. No, he is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to the knowledge of the truth, and to the haven of eternal bliss. No soul is ever finally deserted of God, given up to his own ways, so long as there is any hope of his salvation. God follows men with appeals and warnings and assurances of compassion until further opportunities and privileges would be wholly in vain. The responsibility rests upon the sinner". RH Feb. 17, 1891

If you're not saved, it's not because God didn't try hard enough. If you're not saved it will be because you didn't take advantage of the opportunities He's given you.

"Now some will tell you, and they will begin to reckon, and reckon, and reckon, when the latter rain is coming. I would rather that you would reckon right now whether you have brought eternity into your reckoning concerning your individual self. Consider whether you have brought eternity daily to view. If you are right with God today, you are ready if Christ should come today". Ms36-1891

The Publican's Prayer: Be merciful to me a sinner!
If you want to know if you're right with God, remember the prayer of the publican (a Roman tax collector) who said "God, be merciful to me a sinner!". This penitent sinner was "justified" or made right with God, "for everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted". (Luke 18:14). So there's your answer: You want to be ready when Jesus comes back? You can say "God, be merciful to me a sinner!". You have to do this with humility. It's one thing to preach about it or hear about it, it's another thing to let it come into your heart and change your life.

"God be merciful to me a sinner". Do you want to tell that to the Lord now? Let's pray and do that, this is serious stuff. It's not a game. God loves us. He has given us life, a beautiful world to live in, guidance for health, and social relationships. He has predicted the future for us and promised to be with us until the end. He wants us to be at peace with Him when He comes. Are you getting ready for Jesus to come? Do you want to say that prayer that the publican prayed “God be merciful to me a sinner”? Let’s pray that now.

Closing Prayer
Dear God, we just want to say thank you that we can come to you and that you have been unreasonably merciful with us. You said you were pleased with the approach the publican took, he didn’t have a record of good things and we don’t have a record of good things, Lord. But we are just asking today that you would be merciful to us. We’ve messed up in a lot of ways. Please help us, God, to be ready when you come. Clean up my heart, clean up my friends’ hearts here and prepare us, Lord. Break through the fear and send away Satan and his voices of distrust. Enable us to walk in your ways, to love you and to love those around us. Put repentance in our hearts for the mistakes of the past. Help us to be ready when you come. Thank you, Amen.

Relevant song: Are you ready for Jesus to come?