Setting healthy boundaries

"This far you may come, but no farther, and here your proud waves must stop!" Job 38:11. Just as God made boundaries for the natural world, He also made boundaries for our own personal space. These boundaries help you distinguish between your responsibilities and someone else's. Though we are to help bear other's burdens, each of us have to carry our own load (Galatians 6:2, 5). Each of us have certain responsibilities that nobody else can do for us. You are responsible for your own feelings, attitudes, beliefs, behaviors, choices, values, limits, resources, talents, thoughts, and desires.

We're called to be "one" (John 17:11),  but like in any community, we need gates that let in the good and leave out the bad (Psalm 34:14, Romans 12:9). Poor boundaries lead to unhealthy relationships in which bad things going on are ignored and support from the outside is "walled off". No matter how much you talk to yourself, read, study, or practice, you can’t develop or set boundaries apart from supportive relationships with God and others. We need to be “rooted and established in love” (Eph. 3:17) and “rooted and built up in [Christ]” (Col. 2:7).

When we are not secure that we are loved, we are forced to choose between two bad options: 1. We set limits and risk losing a relationship... 2. We don’t set limits and remain a prisoner to the wishes of another. If someone you know is falling into the latter ditch, be the good friend who lets him or her know that this isn't healthy. Some people have been raised in dysfunctional families, or families where God’s ways of boundaries are not practiced, and have experiences similar to that of the alien. They find themselves transported into adult life where spiritual principles that have never been explained to them govern their relationships and well-being.

A common boundary problem is disowning our choices and trying to lay the responsibility for them on someone else... Making decisions based on others’ approval or on guilt breeds resentment, a product of our sinful nature. We have been so trained by others on what we “should” do that we think we are being loving when we do things out of compulsion. Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with.

Our hearts are deceptive, that's why we need to go to Jesus for ourselves and ask for the Holy Spirit to convict us of what's wrong (Jeremiah 17:9, John 7:37-39, John 16:7-8).  We need to know what we should say no to and mean it (Matthew 5:37). "God is light and in Him is no darkness at all" (1 John 1:5). If we have allowed evil to enter into our hearts, we need to give them up to God in prayer (1 John 1:9). Admitting when we're wrong and praying for one another brings healing to the soul (James 5:16). We need to let Jesus into our hearts (Revelation 3:20). As we abide in Christ, we can enjoy the fruit of "self-control" (John 15:5, Galatians 5:22-23).

God set a boundary for our first parents and our world is cursed by sin because this boundary was crossed  (Genesis 2:16-17, Genesis 3:17). God wasn't being restrictive when He said to them that they could eat of "every tree" except for one. The devil was the one who tried to insinuate that God was being unfair (notice how Eve began to focus that one tree and completely forget about all the other ones). The devil is a liar, God's word says ""For the Lord God is a sun and shield; The Lord will give grace and glory; No good thing will He withhold From those who walk uprightly." Psalm 84:11.

Sin is destructive and leads to death, so when God tells us to repent and let go of sin, it's because He loves us and doesn't want us to perish (Ezekiel 18:4, 2 Peter 3:9).  If we love God, we will love the boundaries He has set for us, for they will be written in our hearts (John 14:15, Psalm 40:8).

The following passage tells us to recognize our limitations as mortals. "Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am. Indeed, You have made my days as handbreadths, and my age is as nothing before You; Certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Selah. Surely every man walks about like a shadow; Surely they busy themselves in vain; He heaps up riches, and does not know who will gather them." Psalm 39:4-6

We should to know our boundaries as mere mortals and understand our dependence on God. Nobody else can be God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit for you. You can't be God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit for somebody else. To place man where God should be is idolatrous and it's at the root of all unhealthy relationships.

Loving others more than they love you

The following quotes are from the book What do you think of me? Why do I care?

Jesus loved people more than he wanted to be loved by people. Jesus needed to love people more than he needed love from them. For you, this means that true freedom in your relationships comes when the scales are always a little unbalanced: You want the weight to be more on the “love” side than the “be loved” side. (p. 114).

The one who loves more is the one with the power. Does it still hurt to be left out, judged, or ignored? Absolutely. It hurts, but it doesn’t control you. It doesn’t eat away at the core of your being. (pp. 114-115).

Jesus Christ chose a shameful death on the cross so you wouldn’t have to. He came to be the servant who followed the path of sacrificial love. If this is how the King served you, then you can serve others with his power. (pp. 115-116).

There is only one way you could want to love others more than they love you: realizing that you have been loved more than you could ever love in return. (p. 116).

What you really need is to be with something so big that you can think less often about yourself. If you identify yourself as a Christian, you are beginning to understand that. In other words, the problem is that people are too big, you and your desires are even bigger, and God is too small. The problem at its very root is answered in being connected to Jesus. (p. 120).

The best way to live—the way you will be most happy—is to make life more about God and other people than it is about you. (p. 121).

When God says that we should do everything for his glory (1 Corinthians 10:31), he is saying that our lives are intended to make him famous, not ourselves. If you read the first chapter of Ephesians you will read, over and over, that we are intended to live “to the praise of his glory.” This means that you will actually enjoy giving glory to God. You were created to do such things. (p. 122).

Other people are family. If they are human beings they have met the basic qualification, and we are called by God to love them like family. Think of a family time when you had no self-consciousness. Or think about a time with a good friend where you briefly forgot about yourself. What was it like? ...Here is the challenge. It goes back to loving others more than needing them. There is something about love that crowds out our painful self-consciousness. You can’t have one in your heart when the other is there. Consider the needs of others more than you consider your own, and guaranteed, the fear of other people will no longer suffocate you. (p. 131-132).

Make a list of the different people you meet every day. Think about how you can include them as family. What will you actually do? How will you greet them? What will you talk to them about? What kinds of questions will you ask them? And how will you pray? (p. 132)

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (Philippians 2:3-4). ... In other words, live as though it's everyone else's birthday (p. 134).

All eyes on Jesus. That is the way of change. Follow him and you learn that the way up is down... Once we learn to walk humbly before the Lord, we find that the skill actually transfers to our relationships with other people. It is the way humans are intended to live. Who am I? Someone who has been given preferential treatment by the King himself. When you know that, it becomes a small thing to put others before yourself... If your hero—your Lord and your God—made himself lower than other people, then it is your honor and privilege to do the same thing. (p. 135).

Who is Jesus? My Lord. I belong to him. He bought me at a great price. Who am I? I owe people. As I have been shown love that I could never repay, I owe love to others. Who are others? Brothers and sisters. (p. 143)

Then, as Jesus gets bigger in your eyes, the opinions of other people simply become the opinions of other people and not the piercing gaze of giants. Your questions change from, “How can I protect myself, fit in, and look good?” to, “How can I wisely love another person?” (p. 145)

How to overcome the fear of man

The following are quotes from the book, What do you think of me? Why do I care?

When you fear something it controls you. To fear God means to be controlled by him. When we want to grow in the fear of the Lord, it begins with God teaching us that he is holy... Holy means that God is not like you or anyone you know. (p. 64)

It is a basic principle: the more you are controlled by God, the less you are controlled by other people. The more you love God, the less you will love the acceptance or recognition of others. The only way you can love him more is to know him. If you really knew him, you would love him. (p. 69).

When you have been brought into the throne room to spend time with the King and have become known to him by name, the negative opinions of others don’t carry as much weight. It’s not that you are indifferent toward others and what they think. It is that their opinions can’t emotionally derail you, turn you hopelessly inward, and keep you from caring about other people. When you hear that someone you really like also really likes you, the nasty things that a few people think are not going to ruin your day. (p. 77).

One important step in avoiding the worship of other people is to grow in knowing God’s holiness. When you know that God is holy, you can no longer be indifferent or distant from him. He breaks into your everyday life, which is the only way you can be liberated from the craving to fit in and stand out. (p. 82).

When you have been to the court of the King and lived to tell about it, the court of human opinion is less frightening. (p. 82).

We may acknowledge that we do wrong things sometimes, but it is tougher to acknowledge that our wrong was very personal and against God. It doesn't feel like it is personal, but it is. Now add to this picture. The One who invites you back is also the King. What you did was treason. (p. 84)

When you say that Jesus is your King, you are saying that your fate rests in his hands. In this case, you acknowledge to the Father that, indeed, you do deserve the same punishment meted out to all treasonous people, but your allegiances are now with Jesus. You trust in him. That’s how something that happened two thousand years ago is relevant to you right now. When you trust him, you stand with him. The punishment that was intended for you was received by him. (p. 87).

When you worship—when your attention is on the One who is bigger than yourself, and his love connects you to himself—the cares of life are not so controlling. True worship puts everything in perspective. It makes some of your fears about people’s opinions seem trivial. (p. 97).

Worship is about choosing sides and publicly stating our allegiances. God has determined that, when he ushers in his kingdom in all its brilliance, our allegiances will be all that matter. (p. 97).

Next: Loving others more than they love you

Why we worry about what others think

The following is a summary of the first two sections of the book What do you think of me? Why do I care? The sections are called "The Problem" and "The Heart of the Matter".

The fear of the opinions of others is problem we all have to some degree and it comes from wanting to be accepted. While there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be accepted, but it turns into a problem when we let that desire control our lives. When wanting the approval of others becomes something you need in order to live, it controls your life. We become like cups, constantly seeking to be refilled by other cups. Sometimes we build walls out of fear of rejection, but that only hurts us more with feelings of emptiness. Whatever we fear will control us and God never intended for us to live in fear of other people's opinions.

Consider these three questions:  Who is God? Who am I? and Who are you (other people)? How we live and react to things in life will reveal how we are really answering them. God's word will show us if we're really answering them right. If we're going to use the bible as our guide, we need to keep in mind that the bible is God's communication to us. When we really believe this, we'll read it more. Then we'll learn all about who God is, who we are, and who others are. We will learn how our creator God intended us to live.

When you're controlled by your desires, doing whatever you want, life becomes about your desires and looking to others to satisfy them. As it says in Jeremiah 17, you're putting your trust in man instead of God. Perhaps you fear others knowing that you're a Christian, that's because you want to feel accepted by those who aren't. Even if, like Peter, you've denied Jesus, He doesn't reject you, He still accepts you. The bible says, "if we are faithless, he remains faithful" 2 Timothy 2:13. As you stick to the bible, you'll see how much need it for direction in life.

Do you trust in God? Sometimes we may trust in God with some things and not with others things. Like ancient Israel, we end up forming mixed allegiances by turning to idols. Whatever trust and depend on in the place of God becomes an idol that we worship. The opinions of others can easily become an idol we turn to, hoping it will give us what we want. To worship anything other than God is false worship. True worship is when you trust in Jesus rather than your reputation, and you follow him in love and obedience, even when it hurts.

In James 4, we learn that underneath our quarrels are our desires. Whenever we live for our desires, we are friends with the world and enemies of God. When you realize that your allegiances are more mixed than you realized, split between the worship of God and the worship of your desires, then seeking God's forgiveness becomes important all the time. When God is relevant all the time, it becomes more natural to be thankful to him.

There is no reason to run away when your divided worship is exposed. Instead, run toward the One who delights in forgiving you. The only way you can change the focus of your worship is to find something even better to focus on. That is your task. For the rest of your life your goal is to be surprised by God to the point that you respond like Moses: you worship (Exodus 34:5-8).

If you ever slip into false worship, God provides a way back to Him, it's like a map. It begins with turning back (repentance), getting to know God (through His word), and becoming like Jesus by loving others as He has loved you. The path you are taking now will guide you to God’s kingdom, a place where you are able to love people more than need love from them. Who is God? He is better than you think.  Who are other people? They are people who you can enjoy, serve, and love.... Who are you? You are somebody who is intended to look like Jesus and live for him rather than yourself.

Next: How to overcome the fear of man

Telling yourself the truth

The following information comes from the book called "Telling Yourself The Truth," by Marie Chapian and William D Backus. I've included a few quotes from the book, most of the bible verses used, and I also added a few bible verses that I thought were fitting.

Misbelief and how to be set free from it

It is not, however, events either past or present which make us feel the way we feel, but our interpretation of those events. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 15)

James 3:14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth.

Misbeliefs are the cause of the destructive behavior people persist in engaging in even when they are fully aware that it is harmful to them (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 16).

Negative and distorted statements which a person repeats to himself come from the devil. Your flesh accepts them without question and then, like spoiled, rotting food, these words of mental poison create painful emotional aches and pains.
 (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 17).

Romans 8:6
For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

John 8:31-32
Then Jesus said to those Jews who believed Him, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

John 14:6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

Psalm 1:1-2 Blessed is the man Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly, Nor stands in the path of sinners, Nor sits in the seat of the scornful; But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and in His law he meditates day and night.

Our feelings and behavior result from our beliefs

"Change a man’s beliefs and you will change his feelings and behavior."
(Telling Yourself the Truth p. 27)

Proverbs 23:7a For as he thinks in his heart, so is he...

Proverbs 12:5
The thoughts of the righteous are right, But the counsels of the wicked are deceitful.

Psalm 119:59 I thought about my ways, and turned my feet to Your testimonies.

Matthew 9:29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.”

Self-talk

If we do not find worth in what we are and what we have now, we will tell ourselves we are less important than others or we have less than others. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 32).

Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content

Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Psalms 34:13-14 Keep your tongue from evil, and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; Seek peace and pursue it.

When you like yourself, you will be free to like and appreciate others. When you are hard on yourself, you will be hard on others. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 35).

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

2 Corinthians 10:5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ

When we become God’s children the great I dies and there’s a change, sweet as morning, that takes place and we trade banners: the old used I for a shiny impenetrable His. Self-talk that degrades others degrades ourselves. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 42).

When you're depressed

Psalm 42:5 Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

John 3:16  For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

James 1:16-17 Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

When we lose someone or something important to us, we will feel hurt, yes; but if the hurt deepens to despondency and depression and remains that way for weeks or months, the cause is not the loss but misbelief. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 43).

Galatians 6:9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

To ascribe the all-sufficiency of God to any person is idolatry, and the basis for idolatry is deception and misbelief. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 44).

When feeling angry

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

James 1:19-20 So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.

Ephesians 4:26 “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath

Mathew 18:15 Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

Proverbs 17:9 He who covers a transgression seeks love, But he who repeats a matter separates friends.

The constant repeating of misbeliefs is what sustains and perpetuates angry resentment. Constant repeating of the truth generates peace and health. (Telling Yourself the Truth (p. 52).

Psalm 55:22 Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.

John 16:13 However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.

When experiencing anxiety

Jesus never told us to go out and take a course in how to get people to like us. He told us to love Him, trust Him, have faith in Him, glorify Him, and to genuinely care about others. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 71).

Job 3:25 For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me, and what I dreaded has happened to me.

John 14:23 Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.

Romans 8:11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

2 Corinthians 12:9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 4:17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory

Luke 11:9 So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

James 4:7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.

1 John 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

Isaiah 40:31 But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

When you lack self-control

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.

James 1:12 Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.

Ephesians 3:16 that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man

Philippians 4:13  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Matthew 4:10 Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve.’ ”

Luke 21:19 By your patience possess your souls.

Philippians 4:11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content

Philippians 4:19 And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1 There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

John 15:5 I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

The most important thing you can do to increase your self-control is to identify the misbeliefs in the words you tell yourself. Then argue against those misbeliefs. Never let yourself get away with misbelief talk. Use determination and energy in arguing and refusing each misbelief with the truth. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 110).

1 John 4:4 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

When feeling self-hate

Matthew 22:37-39  Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

The Scriptures teach us two important truths about our self-worth. 1. Our life, including our opinions, feelings, wants and needs, is not less valuable or important than anyone else’s and 2. Our life, including our opinions, feelings, wants and needs, is not more valuable or important than anyone else’s. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 115).

When Jesus said, “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends [John 15:13]," He prepared the way for us to be able to love ourselves in the purest sense. Condemnation, guilt, despair, self-degradation, shame and self-hate have all been nailed to the cross in His body. By His taking our sin on the cross with Him, we are set free to live healthy and abundant lives with wholesome, pure, swept-clean attitudes. (Telling Yourself the Truth pp. 115-116).

1 John 3:16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

1 Corinthians 3:16 Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?

1 Timothy 6:6 Now godliness with contentment is great gain.

1 Corinthians 4:3-4 But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by a human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I know of nothing against myself, yet I am not justified by this; but He who judges me is the Lord.

Hebrews 13:5 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Change

John 1:12-13 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Taking risks

Look at the risk God took when He created man with a free will. He took the risk that man might use his will to rebel against God, his creator and protector. And that’s just what happened. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 144)

Genesis 1:26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Isaiah 53:6 All we like sheep have gone astray; We have turned, every one, to his own way; And the Lord has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.

Faith itself is a risk. You must trust God and act in faith in order to take that step you cannot see. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 144).

Matthew 10:16 Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.

1 Peter 5:7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

Philippians 3:7-8 But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ. Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ

Saint Paul here was willing to risk everything there was to risk because he knew with absolute certainty whom he belonged to, and a relationship with Jesus Christ was more important to him than his own comfort and life. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 146).

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

Relationships with others

When you dream up a list of obligations for others, you’re leaving yourself wide open for disappointment. These arbitrary obligations you put others under are not in accord with the Word of God at all. (William. Telling Yourself the Truth p. 153).

There are only two basic obligations, two things we ought to do: “Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind . . . love thy neighbor as thyself.” Matthew 22:37-39. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 155).

God’s love is a love of free choice. What wonderful words those are! True freedom is the opportunity to choose to act and live as you ought. We have the glorious opportunity to discover the personality of Jesus, to choose love over manipulation, guilt, and false obligation. (Telling Yourself the Truth p. 156).

Romans 13:10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Romans 13:8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law.

Psalms 37:4
Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.

Matthew 9:29 Then He touched their eyes, saying, “According to your faith let it be to you.”

Galatians 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.

1 Thessalonians 5:21 Test all things; hold fast what is good.

When feeling indispensable

Luke 10:41 And Jesus answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things.

Mark 6:31 And He said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat.

Matthew 14:23 And when He had sent the multitudes away, He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray. Now when evening came, He was alone there.

Other helpful verses

Psalms 94:14 For the Lord will not cast off His people, Nor will He forsake His inheritance.

Psalm 121:5-6 The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night.

Isaiah 43:1-2 But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, And He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you.

Psalms 34:13 Keep your tongue from evil, And your lips from speaking deceit.

Romans 8:37-39 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Proverbs 15:4 A wholesome tongue is a tree of life, But perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

Model Prayer With Promises

The following comes from Steps to Personal Revival

Father in heaven, I come to you in the name of Jesus our Savior. You said: Give me your heart. (Prov. 23:26) I want to do that now by submitting myself to you today with everything I am and have. Thank you that you have already answered this prayer according to Your will, because Your word says that if we pray according to Your will we know that we have already received it (1 John 5:15). And you also said that you would by no means cast anyone out who comes to you (John 6:37).

Jesus said: “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him.” (Luke 11:13)

You further said that you would give the Holy Spirit to those, who believe in you (John 7:38-39), who obey you (Acts 5:32), who let themselves be renewed with the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18) and who walk in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16). This is my desire. Please accomplish this in me. For this reason I sincerely ask you Father to give me the Holy Spirit today. Since it is a request according to Your will, I thank You that have given me the Holy Spirit now (1 John 5:15). Thank You that I have received Your divine love at the same time, because Your word says: “The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” (Rom. 5:5; Eph. 3:17) I want to say with the psalmist: “I will love You, O Lord, my strength.” (Psalm 18:1) Thank you that I can love my fellow human beings with Your love.

Thank You that through the Holy Spirit the power of sin has been broken in me (Rom. 8:13, Gal. 5:16). Please save and protect me today from sin and from the world, give me protection from the fallen angels, save me from temptations and when necessary snatch me and save me from my old corrupt nature. (1. John 5:18)

And please help me to be Your witness in word and deed (Acts 1:8). I praise You and thank You for hearing my prayer. Amen.

Also see Conditions to receiving the Holy Spirit
Also see Carnal Christianity: Our Central Problem
Also see The Solution To Our Problems

The Solution To Our Problems

How to be a happy and strong Christian
“These things I have spoken to you, that My Joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full.” (John 15:11 NKJV) Through these two steps (continually receiving the Holy Spirit and complete surrender) Christ lives in us and it is the way to perfect happiness. The crucial point is that we (as a rule) daily surrender ourselves to God including everything we are and have and that we also daily ask and receive by faith the outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

Why We Need To Surrender To Jesus Daily
Jesus said in Luke 9:23: “If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” Jesus said that discipleship is a daily matter. To deny oneself means giving Jesus the control over my life.

In order to keep our spiritual life strong and healthy it is also necessary to take care of the inner person daily. “We are to follow Christ day by day. God does not bestow help for tomorrow.” DA 313. “However complete may have been our consecration at conversion, it will avail us nothing unless it be renewed daily … .” RH 1/6/1885. "If you will seek the Lord and be converted every day ... all your murmurings will be stilled, all your difficulties will be moved, all the perplexing problems that now confront you will be solved." MB 101.

We may be certain that: when we consciously surrender ourselves to Jesus every morning, then we are doing what He wishes us to do, because He said: “Come to me…” (Matt. 11:28 NKJV) and: “... the one who comes to Me I will by no means cast out.” (John 6:37 NKJV)

Why we need to daily ask for the Holy Spirit
“To the consecrated worker there is wonderful consolation in the knowledge that even Christ during His life on earth sought His Father daily for fresh supplies of needed grace … His own example is an assurance that earnest, persevering supplication to God in faith – faith that leads to entire dependence upon God, and unreserved consecration to His work – will avail to bring men the Holy Spirit’s aid in the battle against sin.” AA 56

Our inward man needs to be renewed daily (2 Cor. 4:16). In what way does this daily renewal take place? According to Eph. 3:16-17, 19 NKJV it happens through the Holy Spirit: “That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man, that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, … that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.”

God's word commands us to continually “… be filled with the Spirit.“ Eph. 5:18. This isn’t a one-time experience, but rather something that has to be continually repeated. Notice that the Ephesians had been sealed with the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 1:13) and yet it was necessary for them to be: “strengthened with might through His Spirit” and to “be filled with the Spirit” and “let yourselves be consistently and continually filled with the Spirit anew".  “In order that we may have the righteousness of Christ, we need daily to be transformed by the influence of the Spirit, to be a partaker of the divine nature. It is the work of the Holy Spirit to elevate the taste, to sanctify the heart, to ennoble the whole man”. 1SM 374

Rom. 5:5 shows us that God’s love is poured into our hearts by the Holy Spirit. We find the same thing in Eph. 3:17. The daily baptism with the Holy Spirit (being filled with the Holy Spirit) causes at the same time a daily baptism with love (being filled with God’s agape love). In addition, it says in Gal. 5:16 that as a result the power of sin is broken.

Being filled with the Spirit doesn’t mean that we quantitatively have more of Him, but rather that the Spirit has more and more of us. That’s why Paul commanded all the believers to be constantly filled with the Spirit. This is a normal condition for a Christian. One baptism, but many fillings.

The Importance of Personal Worship Time
Through daily surrender and through being daily filled with the Holy Spirit our lives will be benefi cially changed. This happens during our personal worship time. “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” Matt.6:33 NKJV The kingdom of God is when you have Christ in your heart now. This is why we need daily surrender and to daily ask for the Holy Spirit during our worship time. When we are carnal Christians worship can be just an obligation. When we are spiritual then worship will become more and more a necessity.

Worship in Spirit and Truth
God's last message to the world is about worship (Rev. 14:6-12) and we must worship God in spirit and truth (John 4:23-24). To worship in spirit means be filled with the Holy Spirit and to worship in truth means complete surrender to Jesus, the person of truth (John 14:6) and living by God's word which is also truth (John 17:17).

Daily Need to Surrender and Ask for God's Spirit, Even After Baptism
Baptism is definitely a significant decision; this corresponds to God’s will. It has and will keep its great significance. But we shouldn’t look back to an event in the past as proof that we are filled with the Holy Spirit. Instead we should know now and experience now that we are filled with the Holy Spirit. Just like we constantly need food, water, sleep, exercise, etc after physical birth, even after being born, we constantly need surrender to Jesus and be filled with God's Spirit, even after baptism. Neither the physical nor the spiritual life remains automatically in us. By asking for the Holy Spirit, we're asking for Jesus to come into our hearts. “And by this we know that He abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.” 1 John 3:24

The Effects of the Holy Spirit
When the Holy Spirit is in me, then He accomplishes in me what Christ achieved. Romans 8:2 says: “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death.”

“When the Spirit of God takes possession of the heart, it transforms the life. Sinful thoughts are put away, evil deeds are renounced; love, humility, and peace take the place of anger, envy, and strife. Joy takes the place of sadness, and the countenance reflects the light of heaven.” DA 173

Prayer: Lord Jesus, I thank you that you want to remain in me through the Holy Spirit. Thank you that through daily surrender our trust and love relationship is growing. Lord, help me to get to know the Holy Spirit and His work better. I long to know what He wants to do for me, my family and my church and how we can have the assurance that we can receive the Holy Spirit when we daily ask Thank you for this. Amen

Carnal Christianity: The Central Problem

God's word uses the terms "natural", "spiritual", and "carnal" to describe a person's relationship to God. (see 1 Corinthians 2:14-16, 1 Corinthians 3:1-4, Romans 8:1-17, Galatians 4 and 6)

Natural - No relationship
“does not receive the things of the Spirit of God” (1 Corinthians 2:14)

Spiritual - Full, real relationship 
Has "the mind of Christ" (1 Corinthians 2:15-16)
In the message to Laodicea, referred to as "hot" (Revelation 3:15)
In the parable of the 10 virgins, referred to as "wise" (Matthew 25:1-13)
Has life “more abundantly” (John 10:10)
"filled with all the fullness of God.” (Eph. 3:19; Col. 2:9)
See more in Romans 8:1-17 and Galatians 5

Flesh/Carnal - Divided or feigned relationship
"Babes in Christ" 1 Corinthians 3:1-4
“foolish” Matt. 25:1-13,
"Lukewarm" Rev. 3:14-21,
Not "born again" John 3:1-21
"having a form of godliness, but denying its power" 2 Tim. 3:5

The carnal Christian may be either dissatisfied or satisfied with their spiritual condition and may be very enthusiastic about church, but here's the problem: they don't have a real relationship with Jesus (Matt. 7:22-23).

The Importance of Surrender
We need to be completely surrendered (Romans 12:1), born again (John 3:1-21), and keep abiding in Christ (John 15:1-17).

Why it's difficult to recognize our carnal condition
We have the certainty that we believe the truth; that thrills us. We have a lot of good knowledge. We say the right things. That is what makes it so difficult to identify the carnal problem. We can become so "rich" with "religion" that we don't realize our lack of an intimate and saving relationship with Jesus (Revelation 3:17-18). Jesus needs to live in our hearts through the Holy Spirit. If Christ isn’t allowed to govern our whole life, then He is standing in front of the door knocking (Rev. 3:20).

Carnal people try to follow God's will and their own will at the same time, but that doesn't work. That's what James 4:3 is talking about when it says “You ask and do not receive, because you ask amiss.” (James 4:3 NKJV). Wouldn’t an answer to such a request only boost the ego? Consequently, this church member is living through normal human powers and abilities. In Rev. 3:16 this is called "lukewarm" and in Matt. 25 “foolish”.

Why Jesus calls the carnal church lukewarm
 The believers of Laodicea were called lukewarm because Jesus wasn't in the center of their lives, but outside of it. He isn't invited inside and He cannot force himself inside because He respects our free decision. A lukewarm person can be so busy doing God's work and neglect the Lord of the work.

The Parable of the 10 Virgins
Jesus’ statement, "I do not know you", shows us that our personal relationship with Him has something to do with the Holy Spirit. Whoever doesn’t let himself be led by the Holy Spirit won’t be acknowledged by Jesus. In Rom. 8:8-9 it says: “Those who are in the flesh cannot please God. …if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His.”

Actually, we only have a real personal relationship with Jesus through the Holy Spirit. 1 John 3:24 says: “And by this we know that He [Jesus] abides in us, by the Spirit whom He has given us.” This means that the assurance I have that I am filled with the Holy Spirit is at the same time the assurance that I am in Jesus and He is in me.

Why there's so little of God's Spirit in church
“The reason why there is so little of the Spirit of God manifested is that ministers learn to do without it.” (E.G. White, Testimonies for the Church, Volume 1, (1868), p. 383.1) As important as a basic education and systematic ongoing training is for a preacher, it is even more important for him that he let himself constantly be refilled by the Holy Spirit.

The Main Problem of Carnal Christianity
The great ethics of the Bible – loving your enemy, forgiving people for everything, overcoming sin, etc. – can only be achieved by the power of the Holy Spirit, not with human effort. This shows us that the main problem in carnal Christianity is that it is a life solely in human strength. We can’t do God’s will alone in our own strength.

Jer. 13:23 NKJV: “Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots? Then may you also do good who are accustomed to do evil.”

Ezekiel 36:26-27 NKJV: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you…. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.”

Traveling the path of faith in their own strength is the foremost problem of every carnal Christian. The problem is much more serious than we think. “Half-hearted Christians are worse than infidels; for their deceptive words and noncommittal position lead many astray.”

How to grow spiritually 
“Yet the operations of the Spirit are always in harmony with the written word. As in the natural, so in the spiritual world. The natural life is preserved moment by moment by divine power; yet it is not sustained by a direct miracle, but through the use of blessings placed within our reach. So the spiritual life is sustained by the use of those means that Providence has supplied. If the follower of Christ would grow up ‘unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ’ (Ephesians 4:13), he must eat of the bread of life and drink of the water of salvation. He must watch and pray and work, in all things giving heed to the instructions of God in His word.” DA 284

A Great Danger
“I will not here dwell upon the shortness and uncertainty of life; but there is a terrible danger – a danger not sufficiently understood – in delaying to yield to the pleading voice of God’s Holy Spirit, in choosing to live in sin; for such this delay really is.” (1SM 109). What is at the core of sin? “Because they do not believe in Me.” (John 16:9) The sign that we really believe and trust Jesus is that we completely surrender ourselves to Him. It has to do with our complete surrender; our willingness to follow Him in everything.

The Crucial Question
The crucial question is if you are filled with the Holy Spirit or not. But when is a person filled with the Holy Spirit? What are the necessary prerequisites? What are the positive results of a life with the Holy Spirit? What happens, when you erroneously think you are filled with the Holy Spirit?

Prayer: Father in heaven, please make me willing to ask myself this question. If I am a carnal Christian, then please help me to realize this right away. Make me willing to be willing for everything you want. Please lead me to a happy Christian life – to the promised life in abundance and to eternal life. Please renew my heart. Thank you for answering my prayer. Amen.

Conditions to Receiving The Holy Spirit

A yearning for God
(“whoever thirsts” John 7:37)

Trust in God 
(“he who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said” John 7:38)

Complete surrender as a result of trusting God 
(placing your whole life at God’s disposal, "as a living sacrifice" Rom. 12:1)

Following God in everything 
(“those who obey Him” Acts 5:32)

Give up their own way, go God’s way and do this according to God’s will 
(“repent and be baptized” Acts 2:38)

Not to plan anything wrong 
(“if I regard iniquity in my heart, the Lord will not hear” Ps.66:18)

Realize and admit to your great need 
(“I have nothing” Luke 11:6)

Continually ask for the Holy Spirit
("ask.. seek.. knock" Luke 11:9-13)

We can pray: “Lord Jesus, I completely say yes to all the prerequisites for receiving the Holy Spirit. I sincerely ask that you now – for today – fulfill them in me. Thank you for Jesus’ urgent invitation to ask for the Holy Spirit. I am sorry for the losses I have experienced because of a lack of the Holy Spirit. I need divine assistance so that Jesus can become greater in me. I need His help in every area of my life. Thank you that the Holy Spirit can change my character and can make me fit for God’s kingdom. I completely surrender myself to you with all that I am and have. Thank you for accepting me and giving me your blessings. Help me to grow in knowledge about the Holy Spirit. Amen."

Cognitive Distortions to Avoid

Abide in God's word, we will know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:31-32). Sinful actions begin with sinful thoughts (Matthew 15:19). This same principle is understood in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Common errors in thinking

1. All or nothing: 
When you give up on everything good because of a bad thing
2. Overgeneralizing: 
When you think something will always be bad and never change
3. Mental filters: 
When you only see one side of things, usually only the bad
4. Mind reading: 
When you think you know for sure what others are thinking
5. Fortune telling: 
When you think you know for sure what's going to happen
6. Magnification/Minimization: 
When you think something is a big deal or not a big deal
7. Personalization: 
When you blame yourself for something outside of your control
8. Emotional reasoning: 
When you think feelings define how things really are
9. Mislabeling: 
When you call yourself or others names because of something that was done
10. Discounting Positives: 
When you see the good side, but think it doesn't count

If the thoughts are wrong, the feelings will be wrong; and the thoughts and feelings combined make up the moral character. [MYP 92]

Overcoming Stinking Thinking With Agape Love

Love rejoices in truth, it won't use emotional reasoning or faulty mental filtering, nor will it discount the positive. Love doesn't envy or give into self-seeking forms of all or nothing thinking. Love believes in all things, it doesn't "mind-read" or assume others think a certain way. Love hopes in all things, it doesn't "fortune tell" evil or overgeneralize that something or someone will always be a certain way. Love is kind, it doesn't resort to name calling or mislabeling. Love isn't puffed up, so it won't magnify or minimize things out of proportion. Love isn't easily provoked because it doesn't take anything personally.

Relevant quote
Charity “doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Christlike love places the most favorable construction on the motives and acts of others. It does not needlessly expose their faults; it does not listen eagerly to unfavorable reports, but seeks rather to bring to mind the good qualities of others. [AA 319]

Related Posts

Bible Verses On Mental and Emotional Health
Think On These Things
7 Psychological habits to avoid

The Art of Bible Counseling

1. Jesus
"And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." John 17:3

There is no safe substitute for Christ in prayer meeting, in church school, in preaching, in family worship, or in private devotion. To become problem-centered is as fatal as to become self-centered. The same applies to being guilt-centered, or hate-centered, or fear-centered. The answer to these obsessions is Christ. The solution is to remember the Son of God and what He has done for the Christian's present happiness and future salvation.

When once the gaze is fixed upon Him, the life finds its center.
Education, p. 297

2. Joy
Share the "fullness of joy" of entering God's presence with thanksgiving (Psalm 16:11, Psalm 100:4). We're commanded in scripture: "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!" Philippians 4:4. "In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Have the person you're giving counsel prepare a list of ten things they're thankful for every morning.

"Nothing tends more to promote health of body and of soul than does a spirit of gratitude and praise. It is a positive duty to resist melancholy, discontented thoughts and feelings--as much a duty as it is to pray. If we are heaven-bound, how can we go as a band of mourners, groaning and complaining all along the way to our Father's house?" Ministry of Healing, p. 251

3. Faith
Encourage faith in others, remembering that Jesus is the "the author and finisher of our faith" and that God has given all a "measure of faith" (Romans 12:3, Hebrews 12:2). Show confidence in the backslidden who seem to have no faith, remembering that God can call "those things which do not exist as though they did" Romans 4:17. God promises: "I will heal their backsliding" Hosea 14:4.

4. Hope
Encourage hope, reminding others that God is not finished working on them. "For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?" Romans 8:24. "Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:6

"Mary [Magdalene] had been looked upon as a great sinner, but Christ knew the circumstances that had shaped her life. He might have extinguished every spark of hope in her soul, but He did not. It was He who had lifted her from despair and ruin. Seven times she had heard His rebuke of the demons that controlled her heart and mind. She had heard His strong cries to the Father in her behalf. She knew how offensive is sin to His unsullied purity, and in His strength she had overcome." Desire of Ages, p. 568

5. Love
"This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:12. "My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth." 1 John 3:18

For successful counseling, the counselor must have love in his heart, be motivated to help the one in trouble because the sinner is a child of God, as is the counselor. They are brothers. Because the counselor loves God, he also loves the troubled one who has sought him for aid.

6. Choice
"And the Spirit and the bride say, 'Come!' And let him who hears say, 'Come!' And let him who thirsts come. Whoever desires, let him take the water of life freely." Revelation 22:17. You can invite others to the fountain of life, but you can't make them drink.

No genuine change comes in a life through external pressure. It appears only through the volition of the individual, coupled with the aid of the Holy Spirit. Love, hope, and faith are divine pressures to which the human soul responds. But these divine influences, to be appreciated, must be used on a person who knows that he is not under human pressure.

7. Humility
The Bible says, "Honor all men." 1 Peter 2:17. "In lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves." Philippians 2:3. To avoid making others feel belittled, admit that you've made mistakes too.

Bible Promises for The Time of Trouble

Disclaimer: The following study was originally done by Pastor Glenn Coon back in 1966, but I added a few minor edits. The original study can be found in the final section of Glenn’s book “The ABC’s of Bible Prayer”.

Jeremiah 30:7 speaks about the time of trouble that is coming, it refers to it as “the time of Jacob’s trouble;” and it says of God’s people, “(they) shall be saved out of it.” Isn’t that wonderful? God makes this promise to each of us. Let us keep that in mind as we share some of these promises now. This will be discussed again under point eleven, but I mention it at the outset to help us realize that provision has been made for each of us to come through this time, safely.

How was Jacob saved out of his time of trouble? Jacob represents God’s people, and so it is important to know how he was saved out of his time of trouble. His time of trouble represents a similar experience to that which Gods people will go through; this makes it doubly important for us to understand Jacob’s experience. This brings us to point one:

I. Jacob claimed a promise of God.
Jacob was on his way back home, with his family and all that he had acquired. He had heard that Esau was on his way to meet him accompanied by 400 soldiers. Imagine the fear that Jacob had. Here were all his little ones, his cattle and servants; not a single soldier in his group. Coming toward him was his brother, whom he had wronged and cheated, with an army of trained soldiers. In his agony and fear, he begins to talk to God about it.

Notice his words in Genesis 32:9, “And Jacob said, O God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the Lord which saidst unto me, Return unto thy country, and to thy kindred, and I will deal well with thee:” [This is a reference back to Genesis 31:3]

Jacob [essentially] says to God [we’re paraphrasing],
“Lord, You promised me that You would look after me. You told me to go home and promised that You would deal well with me. I’m not worthy of the least of Your blessings, I know that. But my brother is coming with four hundred soldiers, and I’m terribly afraid. I’m scared, Lord…. but You told me I’d make it home….”

Can’t you see him agonize with God and place before his God the promise that was made to him by a God that does not lie, nor go back on a promise? This is just what Jacob did, and he had a wonderful promise to claim.

We, too, are on the home-stretch. Our heavenly home is almost in sight. God says that those who do what Jacob did, will make it home! I want to make it home, don’t you? God gave Jacob a promise, and this same promise is ours: “I’ll be with you and you will make it home safely,” is the promise that we, too, can claim. I don’t know of anything I want more than to walk through those pearly gates into that city and see my heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, my Elder Brother, my guardian angel and all my friends, and know I’m home at last! Provision has been made; the promise has been given to make this dream a reality. The Bible tells us that if we are Christ’s then we are of the seed of Abraham. Jacob claimed the God of Abraham and the God of Isaac; we have the right to do the same. We, too, can say, “Lord, You have promised to see me home safely….” and know He will do it, because He did it for Jacob.

Notice with me this same promise phrased just a little differently. And in this promise we can know that God is speaking directly to you and to me. I John 2:25 says: “And this is the promise that he hath promised us, even eternal life.”

I remember, as though it were yesterday, the first time I opened my Bible and put my finger on that promise. I put my name where it says, “us”, and it read, “And this is the promise he hath promised [Glenn Coon], even eternal life.” [You can insert your name in there too as well].

God has given us this promise and He wants us to take Him at His Word, doesn’t He? He most surely does. Abraham, we’re told, believed God, and it (the fact that he believed) was counted unto him for righteousness. It is not about how sinful we are, but rather how good God is. It is this God, the One who loves each of us, that says, “I’ll see you home.”

We have all been impressed, at one time or another, with the fact that during the time of trouble we will not be able to buy or sell. Revelation 13 describes that time. It says plainly in verse 17, “And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark or the name of the beast” This will be a terrible time! But the Bible has a promise for us that will take care of things for that time. It is found in Isaiah 33:16, “He shall dwell on high: his place of defense shall be the munitions of rocks: bread shall be given him; his waters shall be sure.”

Then Isaiah says that we will see the King in His beauty! This is a double promise. It assures us again that we will make it home, and also that we will be given bread and water. Although the rivers and water ways will be turned to blood – God wants us to think of Him and remember that our bread and water will be sure.

That doesn’t fill me with fear, does it you? Why no, we can look forward to that time without any trace of fear. I will be out there in the rocks, perhaps, but the Rock that will go with me will be Jesus. With Him by my side, I need never fear. He has promised to take care of me and supply me with the essentials of life – and all of this at a time when the world of ungodly men and women will be thirsty and hungry! No, this picture is not one of fear as far as I’m concerned. The only thing I’ve got to fear is sin, for this separates me from my Protector and Savior.

II. When the seven last plagues come, the saints will have a place to hide.
Psalms 91:1-4, 10 “He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust. Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust …Because thou has made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation; there shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.”

III. Hiding in Jesus we will be delivered.
Let’s do what the wise man suggests in Proverbs 22:3, “A prudent (wise) man forseeth the evil and hideth himself….” He does something about it. He doesn’t emphasize the fear, but rather seeks refuge in a safe place. We have been provided with this place and the place is Jesus. We can hide in Him.

Notice: Daniel 12:1 “….and there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was since there was a nation even to that same time; and at that time thy people shall be delivered, every one that shall be found written in the book.”

IV. We can have the assurance that our names are written in the book of heaven.
Notice with me several verses of scripture. John 1:12, “But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name.” I John 1:9, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

By taking advantage of the provisions offered, we have our name written in the book of life. This is recorded in Revelation 3:5, “He that overcometh, the same shall be clothed in white raiment; and I will not blot his name out of the book of life, but I will confess his name before my Father, and before His angels.” There it is! Our names are in the book of life, and we can claim the promise of Daniel 12:1. God says He will not blot out our name out of this book if we are overcomers.

V. Beholding Jesus and what He’s doing, we become overcomers.
Deuteronomy 8:2 says, “And thou shaIt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee…. ”

God is bigger than the devil. I know He is, because God put the devil out of heaven. I know that Christ is bigger than the devil because in Matthew 4 the devil came to Jesus with his strongest temptations, and Jesus said, “Get thee hence, Satan….”. When one reads the gospels, we find that every time Christ met the devil there was a conflict and each time Jesus won.

Let us follow the counsel of II Corinthians 3:18 and behold the face of our lovely Jesus and become changed into His Image, what do you say? As we dwell on the attributes of Christ, we’ll become like Him and in Him we can conquer the devil and meet his temptations victoriously.

Oh, that we might remember that, “By beholding we become changed.” Paul admonishes us, “Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report think on these things.” Philippians 4:8.

Here are the things that we are to think on. These are the positive traits of character that we want growing in our lives, isn’t that right? Why, yes.

My favorite author has a priceless gem suggested for us in the book Education, page 297:

“When once the gaze is fixed upon Him, life finds its center.”

Here Christ is plainly shown to be the center of a life that is in balance. When the gaze is removed from Christ, we become unbalanced Christians (thus we backslide). Now how can we avoid falling into this trap of the devil? How can we grow to be like Jesus (rather than become like a trouble maker)?

Here’s the promise. It’s found in I John 3: 1-3.
“Behold what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God: therefore the world knoweth us not, because it knew him not. Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is. And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure.”

Isn’t this what we ought to be feeding on? Isn’t this the promise that should be the inspiration of our souls? Isn’t Jesus the One who should be the center of our thoughts?

When someone says, “Say, by the way, did you hear what the devil did this week?” you can say, “No, but have you heard what the Lord did this week?”

We need to talk more about what the Lord is doing. This is what those, whose names are in the Lord’s book, will be doing (testifying of what the Lord is doing).

Notice Malachi 3:16, 17.
“Then they that feared the Lord spake often one to another: and the Lord hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before the Lord for them that feared the Lord, and that thought upon his name. And they shall be mine, saith the Lord of hosts, in that day when I make up my jewels; and I will spare them, as a man spareth his own son that serveth him.”

What a promise for the time of trouble! Isn’t this marvelous? God says, if you will talk of me and think of me, I’ll spare you in the time of trouble. I will look after you, is the promise of God. When we’re thinking of Christ and talking about Him, it is virtually impossible to be talking about the erring members of the church. It is impossible to be finding fault with a brother or sister in the family or in the faith. We can be centered on only one side at one time; it’s either Christ-centered, or Satan-centered.

VI. The Bible indicates clearly that as we near the end, the Lord is going to slowly, but surely withdraw His Spirit from the world. Genesis 6:3 says, “My spirit shall not always strive with man…” But in the face of this, we need not fear. The Lord has given us sufficient evidence of His power for that time, too. In Luke 11:13, the Lord has said that if we ask, believe and claim the promise of the gift of the Holy Spirit, we shall receive it – as a gift from our heavenly Father. Many people are afraid of the Holy Spirit. They don’t understand what it means to have Him in the heart. What does it mean to have the Holy Spirit in the heart?

Notice Galatians 5:22, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,”. Don’t you want joy and peace during the time of trouble? Isn’t that the most priceless gift for a time when people will be devoid of these qualities, their souls dry and barren and full of pain and anguish.

When Jesus is not in the heart, it’s hard to get along with our loved ones, and these eternal things seem insipid. Jesus makes the difference. At a time when the Spirit of God is being withdrawn from the earth, we can be assured that He will give us a great measure of it, if we truly seek Him, and if we really want Him. It will be revealed, whether or not we have the Spirit by whether or not there is love in the home.

VII. Jesus says, in Matthew 24 that just before He comes, it will be like the days of Noah. [“Every intent of the thoughts of [man’s] heart was only evil continually” Genesis 6:5]. Do you know of those who enjoy talking about and dwelling on the sins of the present day? People who enjoy talking about the sex perverts and the sins of the flesh and those things that are shameful – this is a special breed of people. Their saliva flows in double strength at a time when these things are discussed. The world is terrible, alright. We live in a very wicked age. But are we justified in talking about it and making this the center of our thoughts? What would this thinking do for us? “As he thinketh in his heart,” says the wise man, “so is he.” Proverbs 23:7.

How much better it would be to center our thoughts on this promise:
“Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers (parents) to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers (parents), lest I come (if I didn’t do it) and smite the earth with a curse.” Malachi 4:5, 6.

The Lord says He will do this for us (reconcile our families). Things will be so bad that if He didn’t do this for us, He just couldn’t stand it any longer and He would have to destroy the earth before it was time to do it; before the world had run its course. A mighty revolution is promised. Revolutions that will make the home, “Home, Sweet Home”. Homes that are looking forward to Jesus’ Coming, will major in sweet homes. Tell your husband that you love him. Tell your wife that you love her. Tell your children that you love them! Make home a happy place.

When we keep the words of the Lord in our hearts and teach them to our children, we are promised days, “as the days of heaven upon the earth.” [Deuteronomy 11:18-21]. What a promise to take with us as we approach the time of trouble.

VIII. What about these children of ours that are out of the ark of safety? How many there are that have a real burden for the children who have left the church. Here is a promise that you can claim: “And I will give them an heart to know me, that I am the Lord: and they shall be my people, and I will be their God: for they shall return unto me with their whole heart.” Jeremiah 24:7

God doesn’t want us to whine about our children who are out of the fold. No, we can ask God for help, believe that He is giving it to us and saving our children, and return thanks that He has done it.

Notice the words of Jeremiah 31:16, 17.
“Thus saith the Lord; Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the Lord; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy. And there is hope in thine end, saith the Lord, that thy children shall come again to their own border.”

You can put a dance in the eyes and a song in the heart and claim this promise, believing that the Lord is working our His purpose for our loved ones. He has promised to do it. Let us claim and believe Him.

IX. Do you want to be guided into this kind of an experience? You don’t have to sit and wish for it. Here is a promise by which you can have it and have it now. We don’t have to wait for a time in the distant future; it is ours to have now.

Notice: Isaiah 42:16 “And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do for them, and not forsake them.”

Isn’t this a wonderful promise for guidance and light as we enter the dark days that lie ahead? How wonderful God is to us!

X. And now let’s look back again at the promise we have for the time of trouble
Jeremiah 30:7 “Alas! for that day is great, so that none is like it: it is even the time of Jacob’s trouble; but he shall be saved out of it.”

Here it is! God’s word that we will be saved out of the terrible time of trouble that lies just ahead. Surely, it will come. It will be terrible! It will be the worst kind of existence this world has ever known. We had better believe it – because God says it will be just that kind of a time. But we can live in the assurance, that, if our hearts are right with God now, and we continue to have fellowship with Him each day, when that time comes, we will be saved out of it. Let us anchor our hopes and vision in God’s promise.

XI. Now we turn to Hebrews chapter six.
In this chapter, the writer of Hebrews says under inspiration, that God made a promise to Abraham and backed it up with an oath. This arrangement constitutes an immutable structure of truth. It is impossible for God to lie. This gives us hope and an anchor.

There are some rough waters ahead over which we must sail. But come what may; let the waters get rough – we have a promise and an anchor! What more can we ask for? God Himself has promised us safety and victory.

Notice the promise found in Isaiah 43:2 “When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee: and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee:…”

Isn’t that plain? Isn’t that satisfying? There are a total of 3,573 promises, or clusters of promises in which we can find hope and confidence as we approach the time of trouble so that we need not fear and lose heart. These form an anchor that will hold us secure in the most tempestuous storms. Our destination is the sea of glass. This is the final wharf the Lord has planned. He has promised to be the Captain of our ship, if we will allow Him the privilege. There we will sing the song of Moses and the Lamb. What a chorus that will be. And the wonderful thing about it is that each of us can be a part of that large throng.

“We’re sailing home, we’re sailing home;
Oh, won’t you come on board; our Pilot is the Lord.
We’re sailing home, we’re sailing home
To the new Jerusalem.”

It is my prayer that I shall be there and have the privilege of meeting you there too.

The Science of Prayer

God's willingness to answer our prayers

God is eager to help us and give us good things

2 Chronicles 16:9a

For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.

Matthew 7:11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

James 1:17

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.

2 Corinthians 1:20 For all the promises of God in Him are Yes

Calvary shows us how willing God is

Romans 8:32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Pray God's Word

John 15:7 If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

Jesus' ABC's of Prayer

A. Ask and it will be given to you

Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

B. Believe and you shall receive

Mark 11:24 Therefore I say to you, whatever things you ask when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you will have them.

C. Claim the promise by thanking God for hearing your prayer

John 11:41

Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead man [Lazarus] was lying. And Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, “Father, I thank You that You have heard Me."

The Power of God's Word

God's word is creative, when He speaks it gets done

Psalm 33:6, 9

By the word of the Lord the heavens were made, And all the host of them by the breath of His mouth.... For He spoke, and it was done; He commanded, and it stood fast.

Isaiah 55:11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.

God can speak of future things as if they already existed

Romans 4:16-17 Therefore it is of faith that it might be according to grace, so that the promise might be sure to all the seed, not only to those who are of the law, but also to those who are of the faith of Abraham, who is the father of us all (as it is written, “I have made you a father of many nations”) in the presence of Him whom he believed—God, who gives life to the dead and calls those things which do not exist as though they did

God cannot lie

Numbers 23:19 God is not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

Hebrews 6:18 "it is impossible for God to lie"

Pray in Jesus' name

John 14:14 If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.

Pray With God's Spirit

The Holy Spirit Helps Us Pray

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 

The Holy Spirit reminds of God's promises

John 14:26 But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.

God is more than willing to give His Spirit to those who ask Him

Luke 11:13 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him!

Take time to pause and wait for God's leading

1 Kings 19:12 and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

Isaiah 30:20-21 And though the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, Yet your teachers will not be moved into a corner anymore, But your eyes shall see your teachers. Your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it, ”Whenever you turn to the right hand or whenever you turn to the left.

John 16:13 However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for He will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come.

Focus of prayer: God's kingdom

Matthew 6:13b ...For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

Conditions of Prayer

A. Prayer requires faith

Hebrews 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

God gives you faith

Faith is a gift from God

Romans 10:17 ...faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God

Ephesians 2:8b... faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God

Romans 12:3b ...God has dealt to each one a measure of faith.

Matthew 17:20 ...if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you.

B. Humble Willingness to Obey God's Will

2 Chronicles 7:14  if My people who are called by My name will humble themselves, and pray and seek My face, and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and heal their land.

1 John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

1 John 3:22 And whatever we ask we receive from Him, because we keep His commandments and do those things that are pleasing in His sight.

God gives you the power to obey

Ezekiel 36:27 I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.

C. Prayer requires repentance from sin

Psalm 66:18 If I regard iniquity in my heart, The Lord will not hear.

Proverbs 28:9

One who turns away his ear from hearing the law, even his prayer is an abomination.

God gives you repentance

Acts 5:31 Him God has exalted to His right hand to be Prince and Savior, to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins.

The Holy Spirit you convicts of sin

John 16:8 And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment

God will forgive and cleanse the sins you confess

1 John 1:9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

D. You must be willing to forgive others

Mark 11:25

And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

Matthew 6:15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

God offers you a new heart filled with love

Ezekiel 36:26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Romans 5:5 Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

E. Persevere in Prayer

Luke 18:7-8 And shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will He really find faith on the earth?”

Matthew 5:6

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled

1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and His strength; Seek His face evermore!

Romans 12:12  rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer

God will gives you the desire to pray

Zechariah 12:10 And I will pour on the house of David and on the inhabitants of Jerusalem the Spirit of grace and supplication; then they will look on Me whom they pierced. Yes, they will mourn for Him as one mourns for his only son, and grieve for Him as one grieves for a firstborn.

A Time and Place for Private Prayer

Mark 1:35 Now in the morning, having risen a long while before daylight, He went out and departed to a solitary place; and there He prayed.

Matthew 6:6 But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you openly.

Praise and thanksgiving in prayer 

Psalm 22:3 But You are holy, Enthroned in the praises of Israel.

Psalm 100:4 Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, And into His courts with praise. Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.

Psalm 16:11 You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Matthew 6:9

In this manner, therefore, pray: Our Father in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.

Intercessory Prayer (Praying for Others)

1 Timothy 2:1 Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men 

Matthew 5:44 "... pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you"

James 5:16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.

Job 42:10 And the Lord restored Job’s losses when he prayed for his friends. Indeed the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before.

The Power of United Prayer

Matthew 18:19-20 “Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”

Prayer and Fasting

Matthew 17:18-21 And Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of him; and the child was cured from that very hour. Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, “Why could we not cast it out?”  So Jesus said to them, “Because of your unbelief; for assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”

Keep a Journal

Deuteronomy 8:2 And you shall remember that the Lord your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not.

Example Prayer of 2 Chronicles 20

Praise God (verse 6)

Thank God (verse 7)

Claim a promise (verse 8-9)

Your present situation (verse 10-12)

Praise God (18-19)